Confessions Of A Girl Everyone Hates
by Faith Lee
Summary: Regular Girl, boinks herself on the head a couple times, then BANG, she’s in ME with our favorite orcs. Just in time, our favorite princeling comes in and kills them all and saves the girl. After they get talking, they both loathe each other more than the
1. Bonkers

_Confessions of A Girl Everyone Hates_

Author: Faith Lee

Rating: PG

Fandom: The Lord of the Rings

Summary: Well, this is just typical. Regular Girl, boinks herself on the head a couple times, then BANG, she's in Middle Earth with our favorite orcs. Just in time, our favorite princeling comes in and kills them all and saves the girl. After they get talking, they both loathe each other more than they can say. So now, Regular Girl is stuck in Middle Earth and everyone hates her. Life is perfect.

Disclaimer: Regular Girl is mine, yes she does have a name, I just haven't figured out what it is going to be yet. The rest, the location, characters and what not, those all belong to the Tolkien Estate, so take it up with them. The plotline obviously doesn't belong to me because it is the basic plot of most Lord of the Rings FanFictions ever. All right, the authoress is going to shut up now! Yay.

* * *

Chapter One 

_Yes, I really do love to bang myself on the head a couple million times_

_Also, Introductions and blacking out after, heh, bonking myself on the head. _

Hello everyone, my name is Helen. I am twenty years old; I have chestnut brown hair that gets really greasy if I don't wash it for a couple days, I have dark brown eyes that are really big and a straight nose. Which is really good and I think I'm lucky because a lot of my friends have crooked noses. I was born on February seventh and I'm an Aquarius.

I'm a big history buff, ever since I found out my name, Helen, was the name of the most beautiful woman in the world, at one point. I really wish I had inherited something from her namesake though, because I am definitely not the most beautiful woman in the world. Not even close. Anyway, Helen was the cause of the Trojan War, which lasted ten years. Though I thought it was kind of stupid to draw it out for that long. Had they only listened to Cassandra, it never would have happened. Cassandra is one smart, cursed girl. Kind of sucks to be her. I guess I should be feeling lucky about now, hmm?

Enough introductions, they make me sick.

Well, not exactly sick, just, annoyed, and stuff, because I hate doing them. Yeah.

Oh, I have to get home because I have to pack! I'm going over my Mom's house for the weekend, and she lives in Barbados. Why didn't she take me after the divorce? I didn't want to go. Friends, schools, crap like that that I didn't want to leave behind. And then there was the whole, I didn't want to find my identity just then so I could explain who I was to everyone there. So I live with my dad. Ever since the divorce, it's been work, work, work, work, work, work, work, golf, work, work, and more, work. At first I was pissed, now I just refuse to care. He'll die at that stupid office, I swear. They all do. Heart attacks, strokes, nervous breakdown, constipation, I've heard it all. I warn Dad about it sometimes, but he just gawks at me and walks away. Sure, and when you die, I'll go to your wake, look into your coffin and say, 'I told you so.' That's a promise.

I was home. I opened the door and walked into the foyer and closed the door behind me. I took of my shoes and dropped my coat on the floor, then walked into the kitchen.

"I'm home!" My voice echoed through the empty house. How stupid am I, to think that he'd be home. Poppycock. I placed my keys on the table and dashed upstairs to my room and started to pack.

"Hmm, let's see, I need a bathing suit, mm, mm, _nope!_ Not that one, no, gosh, when did I get all these bikinis? I never wear bikinis. I just want a regular one piece! Ya know, Speedo? AN: I don't own Speedo. No, no, crap…" did I mention that I think aloud when I'm alone? Yeah, well, I do. I turned away from my dresser and walked smack into the wall.

"Okay, ow. That was smart, Hel. Real smart. You've been in this room since you were, what, born? Now you're running into walls. That can't be good. I'm going insane. That must be it. Soon, I'll be sitting at my desk all day and getting constipated. Oh boy." I rubbed my forehead with my hand and wandered into my closet. I got out random clothes and threw them in the general direction of the duffel bag on my bed. After I got enough clothes out, I turned and banged into the wall again. I fell back into the closet and fell on my butt.

"This can't be good."

_One hour and about a hundred bruises later… _I was packed and ready to go. I was nursing my forehead with ice and I was starting to go numb. I got up and made my way to the stairs. After getting down most of them, I managed to trip and fall down the remaining four or five stairs and land on my stomach. And then I banged my forehead again.

I got up gingerly, giving a soft curse. I tried to _never_ curse. My father always did it, and so did my mom. I hate cursing. And here I was, a huge bruise on my forehead and excrement coming out of my mouth. Life is good. Now alls I needed was a midget with a whip and a pointy tail going, 'Heeyah!' That would make my day!

I didn't have to wait long. The door slammed shut and I heard the scuffling of feet, which was obviously my father. I mean, come on. Who else could it be, Santa?

"Hi, Dad," I called, and I heard a grunt as a response. Shaking my head, I responded to myself.

"Hi, Helen, how was your day? Just great, thank you very much father, for caring you know." I groaned and rested my head on the table.

"Did you pack?" my father called from the other room, his 'study'. More like, 'his life'.

"Yes," I shouted.

"You don't have to scream," I heard Dad say, and I realized he was very close; then I felt a _thud_ on my head and his huge hand patted it and then I was gone. One too many hits on this poor noggin today. Everything just went black.

* * *

A Friendly Note From The Authoress: Well, Enter Helen, Girl With Many Flaws. She's kind of random, like someone ELSE I know. _Looks at self. _Do, do, do, do….

This Friendly Authoress hopes you enjoyed Helen the 'Regular Girl'. If she looks like a MS, OH MY JIMINY CRICKETS PLEASE TELL ME. Any advice or help would be greatly appreciated.

Love, Faith.

_A Note From Helen: _Points at Authoress. _She's making me do it. _


	2. In Good Company

_Confessions Of A Girl Everyone Hates_

Author: Faith Lee

Disclaimer: All this? Well, it belongs to the Tolkien Estate. Yep!

A Not From Your Friendly Authoress: Hello! Today is a good day. Well, sort of. Anyways, I'm going to write a chapter now, because I am cool. Yay. J.R.R. Tolkien is my hero.

_A Note From Helen: _Edges away from Authoress and whispers. _I don't know her._

_

* * *

Chapter Two_

_In the Middle of Nowhere and a bunch of Really Ugly Dudes with Sharp Pointy things._

Well, I must say, my head is pounding. It feels like there's a little man on my forehead with a huge hammer, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang. And that is just not kind _at all._ I really think that little man should fu-

Jiminy Crickets! I almost cursed! More excrement! Run!

When I finally decided to open my eyes, I was staring at blue. It was just an ocean of blue.

Okay, shut up, I know oceans are blue.

Anyway, I was staring at blue. Then there was white. With a blink, I finally noticed that I was staring up at the sky. Pif, duh, of course it's the sky, dufus. And the white? Yeah, that was a cloud. Like you smart people didn't already know that.

With great ease, I sat up slowly and carefully. My eyes surveyed the ground I sat on. Around me was straight plains from here to Never Never land. There were no trees and no water as far as I could see. It was like I was in the desert, except that I was sitting on grass.

Where am I?

Why am I outside?

Where is my house?

…Is this Barbados? Is this some kind of cheep trick?

What the he-

Jiminy Crickets! I was just about to curse _again! _Gosh, today is not a good day.

I sat there, in the middle of the Endless Plain, for a long time, just staring into space. Suddenly, I was poked. I was poked _really, really _hard in the shoulder. I think I started to bleed, honestly! I broke my concentration and turned around to stare at a very ugly creature indeed. And behind him, a bunch _more_ ugly creatures! With knives!

My lucky day.

"Yes?" I asked tiredly, staring up at the ugly thing. It stared down at me with large eyes, then pulled out it's knife- wait, I think it's a sword- and poked me again.

"Ow," I said as I stared down at my wound. "That hurt!" He poked me again and I finally had to stand up. I turned around to poke the stupid creature back and found that this thing was much taller, broader, and scarier than me. And I squeaked. The ugly man creature thing grunted and two other ugly creature things surrounded me and tied my hands together.

Wait a minute.

All this, the ugly creatures, the swords, the rope, the Endless Plain, all this stuff was starting to look really familiar.

I mean, really.

It looks like something out of a…a Tolkien novel.

But, but that's just silly nonsense. I mean, it just can't happen. Honestly, I bonk my head a couple times, pass out, and suddenly, I'm in a novel written by an old Englishman who is _dead_?

No. Just…no!

Yeah, well, tell that to the Orc dudes who were now dragging me along and saying something about Mirkwood. I thought back to the books. Mirkwood…isn't that where one of the Fellowship was from? Legolas! He was the son of Thranduil, king of Mirkwood.

What Age were we in? Third? First? Fourth?

So I was in the company of a bunch of smelly, ugly, orcs. My stomach was growling quite loud and I was desperately thirsty, though I never would've mentioned it to the stupid orcs, heh. Gosh I just want some food! You know what? I would absolutely _adore _it if someone decided to save me about now? Yeah, that would make my day _so _much happier, or if you didn't notice.

Yep, any time now.

Ever heard of a damsel in distress?

I wouldn't have to wait this long if I was dropped into Angel/Buffy verse. Angel AN: I don't own Angel or Buffy, they are owned by Joss Whedon. would so save me by now. Or at least someone would. I wouldn't be left hanging here.

It soon got dark and the orcs stopped to make camp. They lit a fire and one thought it would be really funny to use me as a chair. You know, their butts smell increasingly worse than their usual stench.

Oh no, this was not a good day.

* * *

A Not From Faith: Well, that's actually shorter than the first. But I had to stay true to the chapter and only introduce Middle Earth and the orcs. The Saving of Helen is in the next chapter, Yay! This story is actually really fun. And I mentioned Angel/Buffyverse because I'm watching Angel season five.

Angel: I'm from Wolfram and Hart.

Spike: ….I'm his date.

_A Note From Helen: I have no idea what she's talking about. _


End file.
